1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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