someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
