I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
