Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
