God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
