Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
