My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
