It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
