I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I look better un-naked...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
