U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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