He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
