hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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