Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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