My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
