uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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