Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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