i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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