All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
