11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
