How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
