we have pet lesbian snakes
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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