sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
