well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
