is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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