drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
