Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I could fuck to npr.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
