I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
