Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
