Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
