I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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