he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
