There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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