dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
