No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
