Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
