The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
