You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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