PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
