Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
