my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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