First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
