Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize