I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
