the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
