So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
