This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Pooping to opera.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
