just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
