Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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