can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
