I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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