he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
