Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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