I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize