I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
