But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
