dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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