she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
