oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
