Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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