after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
