I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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