I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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